Let it be love

A translation of 1 Corinthians 13 on the occasion of a wedding

Catherine Gower

I might know all about relationships and have great insight into human behaviour, I might have learned all techniques of communication and even know how to resolve all conflicts, but if I have no love, then my marriage is nothing more than a dry contract or an empty social convention.

In your marriage, the love that you should show each other is this:

Be patient with your partner, who is only human, as you are. What is easy and obvious to you may not be so for your partner. Equally, in some things, you will be the slow one. If you have waited for someone, then you have taught them how to wait for you. Many times, it is the waiting that produces what we wait for.

Show your partner kindness, which, though it seems humble, is the heart and the essence of love. It is your partner, more than anyone else, who needs your kindness. Remember, too, kindness has the miraculous power to create love.

In love, you will not be jealous of your partner but will want what is best for them, whether or not it brings any advantage to you. You will not try to control your partner, but respect your partner's freedom, since it is that which enables them to love you.

And do not be arrogant. There is no need to be perfect to be loved. In love, you will no longer have anything to prove, and the things you used to do, trying to look good, are needless, and might even seem funny.

No matter how familiar you become, do not be rude to your partner who, of all people, deserves your respect and can be wounded by your discourtesy. Remember that we cannot confide in those who are rude to us.

And try not to take offence: it is unlikely that the one who loves you meant to offend you. Consider a kinder explanation: perhaps your partner made a mistake. Take no notice of criticism unless it is true – and if it is, then be glad that your mistake has been pointed out to you.

In love, you will not feel smug if your partner makes a mistake, because you are not rivals, but friends. Even if you saw it coming, do not triumph over your partner and don't make it difficult for them to ask for your help.

Prefer the truth to any pretence. Set aside your defences and let go of your certainties, so that you can hear what is true. However unwelcome, the truth is your friend. So, by the gentleness of your reactions, make it easy for your partner to tell you the truth.

Over the years there will come things to endure as well as to enjoy, but if you keep loving, you will be able to bear them. There will be difficulties, but if you keep on loving, you will not lose hope. Continually practise love and it will be for you a source of inexhaustible strength. When you come to look back over your life and measure your achievements, it is your acts of love that will make you proudest of all.

So, in your marriage, you should strive for all the virtues, but if you can only attain one of them, then let it be love.